Hellish Months

The last 4 months have been hell. I can't deny that there have been good moments because there have, many of them in fact. But I can't honestly look back at the last few months and feel all that much joy or happiness. It all started simply enough with my back going out. An event that has happened before and though painful, has never really slowed me down for more than a couple days.

This time it did.

Thus followed 6 weeks of chiropractic care, massage and physical therapy, and basically being restricted from doing anything more physical then walking back and forth between my car and house (or doctors, etc) because seriously even sitting upright for more than 30 minutes at a time made me lose the feeling in my feet and hands. Eventually I was finally given the clear to resume my normal activities, though there was firm insistence that I make some adjustment for when or how long I worked each day. And then I got sick. For more than a couple weeks I had migraines, fevers, congestion and more icky-ness to help make my daily life miserable. 

The holidays came and went. I was still sick - some days more than others. 

Then word came down from my parents and aunt that my grandmother, who was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago, was doing increasingly poorly and they (as well as her doctors and other health care aides) believed that she would soon be passing away. Within a matter of days the family was asked to ensure that someone was with her as much as possible. Because I was still sick more often then not, I couldn't be at the hospital all the time so I was relegated to other tasks in preparation for her funeral and memorial. 

After collecting nearly 1000 photos ranging over almost 90 years of life, it was my duty and privilege to put together a memorial video that would eventually be distributed to all the family and those family friends who requested one. 60+ hours of work went into the video, and while I was happy to be able to make it and to see all kinds of pictures of my grandmother (and other family members) in youth, every moment was heartbreaking. Because to finish the video, to finally put an end on it, meant that she was gone. 

Every morning we would call for an update on how she was doing. Every night we'd check in to see how the day had been. There were some good days but there a lot of bad one too. It got so that every time the phone rang you both hoped and dreaded that the end had come. When the phone rang one night while my husband and I were watching TV after getting the kids all off to bed for the night, where happy (sad?) to see that it was a call from the 'other side' of the family. So you can imagine our surprise when his mom informed us that his aunt had passed away very suddenly less than an hour earlier. Blindsided by the news we numbly sat side by side and sort of, but not really, finished watching our show. Then we spent a sleepless night trying to figure out how and when to tell our children of this unexpected loss. 

Receiving the call from my own parents before seven a.m. the very next morning, that my grandma had (finally) passed away was another blow. And while this we had quite obviously been expecting, combined with our family loss it became a far heavier load than we'd thought we would be carrying. 

The next several days passed in a blurring rush - informing the kids, calling family, finalizing funeral arrangements, finishing the video, writing a memorial speech with my sisters last minute, and simply getting from one point to the next, and the next. The family viewings were on the same evening. The funerals occurred on the same day: one in the morning and then one in the afternoon. Family dinners. Meetings. 

It's been a couple of weeks now and life is slowly returning to normal. I've even been writing every day this week, a bit each day on a few different projects. So, I guess we'll see what we see.

In the mean time... Happy writing.

Writers, Dreamers, Inspiration & Words

It's not an exaggeration to say that writers are dreamers.
 
We have to be, if for no other reason than to be able to create rich worlds and characters, and stories. We may dream up our stories at night, or in snippets here and there during our waking hours. We may hear the voices of our characters begging for their story to be told, or telling us the story over and over again, until we have no choice but to let it out, to let them out.
 
Our inspirations come from life, from color and form. Even music or a simple conversations can plant an idea in our head that may grow and blossom into something amazing.
 
Hours spent at a computer or with pen and paper, time that many people would consider wasted, becomes fantasy, becomes prose, becomes an alternate reality... Strangers meet in a dimly lit bar. A damaged warrior seeks solace and peace, and finds so much more. Vampires, werewolves and gods spring to life and off the page.
 
A kind of magic is created by writers. And it takes a special something to be able to create it. For writers, their creations are their life and as important to them as their loved ones, as cherished as a child.
 
I'm thankful everyday that I can find the words to put to paper, the ones that describe a scene or emotion, the characters and all the little bits that individually may seem insignificant but when compiled together are absolutely intrinsic to the worlds that I'm creating. Every day that I can find the inspiration I need to write, I know that I'm alive and while I may not be living the life that many can understand, it is the life that truly makes me happy.
 
Find your inspiration. And you'll find the words will follow.
 
Today this is mine.

November 1st... You Know What That Means!

It's November 1st and that means a couple things are going on RIGHT NOW!

First, today is National Author's Day... Or so the internet and Facebook tell me. So to all my writing and author friends out there - here is wishing you the most glorious of days! :-)

And second - NANOWRIMO STARTS TODAY!!!

It's National Novel Writing Month - the month long writing challenge of 50,000 words in 30 days.

I'm doing it again this year. I've even got a nifty little widget down on the left hand side on this site that *should* show you a running log of my total words written. So here's wishing myself and all the other NaNoWriMo-ers out there a very sincere Good Luck!

I'm off to get my butt busy. Talk to you again soon!!

I will finish The Queen's Mate this month... I will finish The Queen's Mate this month... I will finish The Queen's Mate this month...