When Life Gives You Lemons, Or Some Such Thing

Before the kids got out of school in June I had started to feel as though I was hitting my head against a brick wall when trying to write. So I decided to take a break - to read more and to relax. To spend more time focused on the kids while they were home, and on Heli Dad, and on myself. It was a good summer and exactly what I needed.

When I started sitting back down at the computer on a regular basis in August, I still wasn't ready to wade back in to the projects I'd hit pause on in June. But I started writing.

I finished a fan fiction story I'd begun years ago - to the delight of many long time readers who'd still been waiting to find out how it would end. And when that was done, I still had more to write so I started another, one that had been sort of simmering on a back burner in my head for a couple years, just waiting.

I needed the break.

The full stop.

The mental rejuvenation.

I've needed this chunk of time where I've essentially just been writing for fun again. This grace period where I haven't had to worry about all the gritty details. I don't have to build the world, or create the characters... I can just let the words flow while I tell a story.

The crazy thing is that before the break, I was struggling to write 500 words a week.

In the last month I've written roughly 45,000.

And there are more. I don't sit down at the computer and wonder what to write. I know what I want to say and how I want to say it. I know where the story goes, how it ends, and how to get there.

As the words simply spill out of me for this fan fiction story, I find my mind is also working on the ideas and plot points, and all the little details that I'd been struggling with so much in the Spring. I jot down these random bits and pieces every day. I'm connecting dots that I hadn't even realized I needed to connect. In my mind, I'm finally getting all the various puzzle pieces of the story (my original works story) sorted out. I'm figuring out where and how all the disparate details fit together to create the big picture.

Somehow I simply know that when I switch back the words I need will be there. While it may not be as free flowing as this fan fiction writing has been, I won't be beating my head against that brick wall anymore either.

Writers -- have you come up against this before?

To clarify, I'm not talking about writers block. Not really. I could still write. The thing was, I was forcing it, hard, and you could tell.

So what did you do? What do yo do?

Did you keep attack the brick wall, pumping out words that sort of, but not really fit with what you wanted to say? Do you redirect? Take a break?

What do you do when your story is dammed up inside your head and you just can't find the right key to open the floodgates?

Writing Words

I don’t know if I could specify an exact period in my life when I began writing. When I look back, I was always writing something, always making up stories or journaling my days. After all, what pre-teen/teenage girl doesn’t have her secret diary where she recounts all the absolutely horrible-awesome-unbelievable-heartbreaking things that happen to her every single day???

Growing up on a farm I can remember whiling away the hours while cutting acres of grass on a little riding mower, and the whole time I would be telling myself stories – out loud of course because the mower was typically loud enough one could barely hear themself think, and it wasn’t as if there was anyone around for miles to hear me talking to myself. Sometimes, if I liked the story I came up with while mowing, I would later pull out a notebook and write it out. I still have some of those notebook-ed mowing stories in my keepsake boxes. Some are truly cringe worthy but even the most horrible of them illustrates the potential for storytelling that lived within me, even then.

via GIPHY

But it was really when my eldest son was a baby that I thought to myself, “I’ve got all these ideas and stories just percolating in my head, why don’t I try to get them out?” At that point I was already a voracious reader, frequent book reviewer on my original blog, and had also been writing fanfiction for a couple years, so the idea of writing my own original stories was, to say the least, enticing.

So, I started typing.

Carving out time, when and where I could, to write. To allow the adventures, the dreams, the characters – the stories – out of my head. When I couldn’t sit down at the computer, or escape for a bit with my laptop, I got into the habit of packing around a notebook and pen. It wasn’t uncommon in those days to find me scribbling notes (ideas, a turn of phrase, inspired dialogue) while sitting at skating lessons or while the kids played in the McD’s play place.

There were so many ideas that rushed forward in those early years. I’ve got files and files, and files, and I’m frequently adding more as new ideas crop up. There are dozens of ideas that I’ve never gotten around to even attempting to flesh out and really develop. Then there are the ones that I did focus on. The ones I took time to see where they might lead, see what kind of story it was that was waiting to be told.

And from those, there are a handful that I’ve truly delved into and narrowed my sight on. Those stories have weeks and months, and more, of time invested in them. Time spent researching locations, myths and legends, educational course paths for various (and sundry) careers, and a wide variety of legalities aimed at specific situations. Time spent doing character development and profiles, family trees, detailed timelines, and even drawing out the floor plans for homes featured within those stories.

Then the writing.

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God, the time spent writing. Hours upon days, upon weeks and months, and years. All that time getting words onto screen and paper. Time spent on revisions and rewrites.

All those words.

Because words are what make the story. You start with an idea – the heart and soul – and with words you build everything else: the bones and framework of the plot, the muscle and tissue that give it weight, and most of all, the blood and breath that gives it life. Without the words there is simply an amorphous thought waiting.

I spent the past weekend going through my writing files because I had finally decided which one of my stories to focus on this year and to finally, actually, finish. This was one of my writing goals for 2019 that I talked about in my post last month. The result of that perusal being that this week my heart hurts (more than) a bit and I’m unusually obsessed with those words. Because you see, just more than a third of the existing files for that story were damaged-corrupted-unreadable-inaccessible. The originals and the backups. One third of the chapters I’d already written – just gone. At the very least fifteen thousand words lost.

I cried, quite literally and dramatically, when I’d finished tallying things up and realized just how much was gone.

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It’s not even that I can’t rewrite those missing chapters. I can and will – if the geek squad pro’s that I haul my computer and flash drives to can’t recover them. It’s the fact that while some of those chapters are just the ‘bones and muscle’ of the story, a few of them are ‘blood and breath’ parts. While I may not be able to remember every word I wrote in those chapters, I remember very clearly how I felt when I wrote them. And there’s this part of me that is terrified that if/when I rewrite those sections, I won’t be able to pull off the same level of intensity, same depth of emotion. Quite simply – I’m afraid it won’t be as good this time around.

If rewriting those chapters from scratch becomes necessary, I’ll do it. I’ll do it to the very best of my ability… but man, right now the fear of that prospect is sitting right up there with the hurt of having lost the chapters in the first place.

New Year, New Goals and a Brand New Logo

NaNo2018 was an epic failure on my part. Sort of, not really, but yes a failure. I did write more in November 2018 than I did in the rest of 2018 put together - so win! - but still, I fell ridiculously short of meeting the 50k goal. 

So what happens now? 

It's a New Year -- 2019!!! -- and after a lot of thought, and I mean a LOT, I'm going to change things up a little bit. I'm going to goal set differently, more specifically but perhaps also in a way that won't constantly make me feel like I'm falling behind and failing. Here's where I start...

Goal #1 -- Write Every Single Day (on a WIP)

I know, God do I know, that not every day is going to be a good writing day. One day I may get in 2500 words. Another day I may add 5. And that's okay so long as I write. Eventually I'll finish what I've started and I'll have what I need to take the next step. 

Goal #2 -- Write a Blog Post Each Month 

Sort of like an accountability check-in. I've seen other writers do this - both the indies just getting into the industry, as well as well established traditionally published authors that I've read/loved/followed for years. But more than simply holding myself accountable to my craft, I've missed writing blog posts, missed this avenue of interaction with other bloggers and writers. Now, January didn't get a blog post but you'll see a little bit further down what I was busy with last month. Going forward though I'm going to write (at least) one blog post here each month - and at least one blog post for each of my other blogs too.

Goal #3 -- Finish Something 

Here's the thing: right now I have 4 projects on the go. One of them is and always has been intended as a stand alone novel/novella. Two of them could be the launch points for a series or other multi book/story set, I can see other possible storylines that could come from them, or they could just end up as stand alone novels too. The fourth project is absolutely the beginning of a series - I know pretty much everything that will happen in the first three books/stories, how much further the series goes after that is still up in the air. 

So the goal is to evaluate them, pick one, focus on that and FINISH it. 

But which, which, which one will it be? 

Goal #4 -- Set Periodic, Quantifiable Deadlines  

This is one that could be tricky. Or it could be super easy. These would be goals like: finish one chapter this week, or write 5000 words by the end of the month. Which, like I said could be simple or could be hard. I hope that over the course of time, having those quantifiable deadlines will increase my productivity. 

I'm also hoping that with time those quantifiable goals will become more lofty - 10k words in a month, then 5k words per week, etc, etc, etc. Eventually, assuming this works the way I want, I'd be able to set goals more along the line of This Novel done by March and That Novel written by August; you know deadline deadlines. 

(I'd cross my fingers in hope but that may make it more difficult for me to type. Cross 'em for me??) 

Goal #5 -- Become a Better Writer

One step to attaining this goal, one that will help tremendously all on its own is simply to write. To write and keep writing, and then write some more. Another part of this will be to read, of course; I've always felt that to be a good writer and to continually better yourself, you must read. (In general, the reading thing has never been a real problem for me. 😉 ) A third thing I'm going to try to do is find some online writing courses - creative writing, or novel writing, or maybe even an editing course. I've actually discovered a few through my local library that look promising, so I've got somewhere to start. 

I'm sure there's more that I can do and if, and when, I discover those things I'll let you know. 

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Now remember earlier in this post when I alluded to what I'd been busy doing this past January? Number one on that list was to completely redesign and launch a new website for my mother's massage therapy business - at which I'm more or less in charge of all marketing and advertising these days. The redesign is done, the site is launched and now, except for weekly/month maintenance to keep the site dynamic and up-to-date, I'm able to direct my creative energies elsewhere. 

Number 2 on the list of things I did last month came about in the middle of doing the website redesign. And it was the development of new logos for each of my blogs, and another logo which incorporates aspects of the other three to use as a social media profile photo. The logo for Inside My Mind is simple, clean, and while it may not be my forever logo, for now I really love it. 

What do you think? 

Interested in seeing the other logos? Pop over to my Facebook Page where three of the four have now been launched! The fourth will be coming in the next little bit.

Life. You Know?

I am so tired of adulting. 

You know what I’m talking about: all the responsibilities, obligations and time commitments that go along with being a “grown up” are draining. Add 4 kids to the mix and the adulting requirements increase exponentially. It’s exhausting at the best of time you guys. 

Right now, it’s damn near killing me.

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Last week my husband and MIL loaded up my van with a bunch of cardboard, paper and other recycling and then climbed in to go do those chores and an array of other errands. They drove out of our driveway and were immediately hit by someone who was speeding down the road and had just run/raced the red light two houses away. Right in front of our house. I’d said “see ya later” as they walked out the door and a couple minutes later I hear a massive boom, walk to the front of the house, look out the window, and what do you know? There’s my van (and the other persons car) smashed and in pieces right in front of my house. 

Everyone seems to be just fine I think - they’ve got stiff and sore necks/backs, and my MIL has some seatbelt bruising (her side of the van was impacted) - but other than that ok. 

But -

MY van... The only vehicle we have that accommodates our family of 6. The one I’ve driven every single day (or nearly) for the past 10 1/2 years. The vehicle I was going to need just hours later to take a kid to one of their activities, and then later to take another kid to theirs. 

Since that moment I’ve spent hours on the phone dealing with insurance, and getting a rental, and a host of other things. I spent one afternoon shopping to replace the car seat that was relegated useless after being through a collision. I’ve spent countless hours researching the value of my beloved van and looking for replacements. And now I know I’ll have to spend even more time doing that as my van has been deemed un-fixable and I HAVE to replace it. 

Ugh. 

All this on top of the normal multitudinous daily tasks and responsibilities I take care of every day. 

I’m tired of adulting. And I’m so physically and mentally exhausted that I’ve had no drive to write anything all week. I added maybe 50 words to my NaNo story before I heard the big boom. It sucks and I know that there is no way in hell I’ll come close to 50k words this month. But on the plus side - everyone is okay and I’m getting an unexpected vehicle upgrade. 

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How is your writing going though?? Are you on target to “win” NaNo this year?

Like One Step Forward, Three Steps Back

So another week has come and gone, and some writing has been done. Not a lot, but some. I had one really good morning of writing in the middle of the week where both ideas and words simply flowed. It was great. 

I am at a delicate point in my story so I find myself, not struggling exactly, but being careful in my composition. On one hand I know that I just need to write, to get the words, the story out of my head and onto the page. After all there will be plenty of time to revise and edit, and find the perfect words and way of telling later. On the other hand I still find myself editing as I write which causes a good amount of delay. 

But I’m writing. Which is better than I’ve been doing since last Christmas. 

In fact, I’ve added nearly as much to the story in the past 11 days as I had added in the previous 10 months. 

So whatever else, it’s good I’m writing. 

Writing Report: November 5-11 (2pm) 

Time Spent Writing: 2 hours (+ a good deal of editing time)

Words Written: 1450 

Total Words Added to WIP this month: 2984 

Until next time... happy writing!!

Accountability? Let’s See...

Sunday evening check ins. 

Yeah. This time around at NaNo I am ABSOLUTELY doing this. I’m going to take a few minutes at some point during my Sunday (right now I’m in the middle of cooking dinner for my family) and just check in to let you know how my writing week has gone. 

Because accountability makes a difference. 

Even if I’m the only person who ever reads the post, simply setting a day where I have to post about the week’s efforts - be they successful or epic failures - it makes a difference. It means I have to actually look at what I’ve done, or not done, and report it. 

Because maybe when I share that I’ve had an amazing writing week someone out there will say “That’s great! Keep up the hard work.” Maybe I’ll get a few virtual high fives. 

Because maybe when I report that it’s been a rough week and the results only amounted to a grocery list and a to-do chore list, someone else may tell me “Just keep at it. Every word matters.” They may commiserate, they may offer advice or suggestions or, or, or. 

Or maybe I won’t get any kind of response in return. Except I’ll know. I’ll have been accountable to myself at the least. I’ll be able to look at the writing I’ve accomplish in relation to the amount of time I spent writing, the amount of time I wasted, and all the various things I have to do otherwise. 

I know some weeks will be really good. Some weeks may simply be alright. And some weeks may be really ugly. Whatever the week’s results is okay as long as when Monday rolls around I sit down and keep working on it, keep writing, and keep trying. So... 

Writing Report: November 1-4 (approx 6:30pm) 

Time Spent Writing: approx 4 hours 

Words Written: 1534 on WIP + roughly 600 in blogs

It’s been a busy family weekend with football championships and other kid events going on so I didn’t have as much time to write over the weekend as I would have liked. We went over the family schedule earlier today for the month and it looks like the rest of the month will be better. 

I guess we’ll see how the next week goes.

Stumbling in the Dark

It’s been a pretty dark place around here the past year, in so many ways. And silent. My god the silence - even the crickets haven’t made a peep. I’ve had no inspiration, no ambition, and every time I’ve actually sat at a keyboard to write (since January this year) has resulted in some newly developed but very creative procrastination techniques. 

I’ve done a lot of reading. A lot. A LOT. 

I’ve spent some much needed time with each of my kids. 

I’ve played quite a bit with graphic and cover design. Still not precisely to a level where I’d want to actually charge someone money for my efforts but I’m getting there I think. Slowly. 

I’ve moved the furniture around in my house three times - everything is essentially back to where it was in the first place now - and I’ve probably donated 100lbs of clothes to charity between myself and my four minis. 

But words. 

Words have been hard to come by. I’ve needed something to give me the kick in the ass that would get me back to work, back to writing and so... 

I did the thing again. I signed up and got set up to NaNoWriMo again. 

I guess we’ll see how that goes. 

Fingers crossed... though maybe I shouldn’t cross them, that may just make it even more difficult to type.

You can find me there (if you’re interested) as @LDFerris 😊😊

Writing Rules

Every day I see posts online expounding on the "rules" of writing. The rules you need to follow if you're going to be a writer, if you want to be a good writer, if you want to publish. Every expert has something slightly different to tell you - some of their rules may cross over between them, but their lists are different. At the base of it, their lists are just what works for them. Their rules are the things that worked for them, the guidelines they used while writing.

Writing: Characters give us a peek into who they are. We form bonds. #amwriting #amediting pic.twitter.com/OqJ0w7PGTl

— Writing & Editing (@WrtrStat) October 27, 2017

But here's the thing...

Each writer is different. Each one of us has our own methods, our own system - to put it simple, we have our own way. What works for one writer won't necessarily work for another. I guess there's something to the saying "You do you."

I think there is one thing that stands for every writer though, one overarching rule for us all:

Write every day. That simple.

Write. Every. Day.

What are some rules you have? Or ones you follow?

Writing Problems

Writing problems. We all have them – blocks, ideas that just aren’t working, words that won’t come or don’t sound right, lack of time, energy, etc… This gig, by which I mean writing, it isn’t for the faint of heart, or the half-hearted. It’s funny, but more and more lately I’ve wondered that writing is a lot like life. It’s a balancing act of finding time vs. making time. A battle between having the right words and forcing any words out. It’s a struggle between knowing the right thing (or way or road or whatever) and having to guess.

And it is a constant series of wondering if what you’ve done is good enough, if it was done fast enough, long enough, enough, enough, enough…

Having 4 kids, one only 4 months old, means it takes either a lot of scheduling to get time where I can simply sit at my computer and write, or it takes sacrificing of sleep. Some times it takes the scheduling of sacrificed sleep to get myself in front of this computer. And alright, full truth, sometimes it’s just a matter of luck too. (Right now, for instance, I’m able to sit at my computer writing this because the baby fell back to sleep after it’s morning feed, the girls are at my parents, and the boy had a couple friends sleep over and they tried to stay up all night and are still in exhausted slumber. See – luck!)

When I do get to the computer I’ve got about a dozen projects on the go between work, my sister’s wedding, and other personal ideas that I’ve been working on. Writing, some times is simply not at the top of the list. And other times I’m just burnt out enough from everything else going on in life, that when writing is at the top I just can’t, or don’t feel like I can.

It’s been that way for me for a while now. That feeling of can’t.

I hate it.

Yet, at the same time, I know that I’m simply not the type of writer that can sit down and force a story. I mean, I could, but I’ve done it before and, well, it was horrible. The writing was horrible. The story that came from it was horrible. I’m talking: even my 13-year old daughter thought it was bad, horrible. Everything was stilted, one-dimensional, tired sounding, and honestly just plain painful to read. So yeah, forcing out a story – not really my thing.

Great writing doesn't always come in a day, sometimes it comes in weeks and months. Honing writing skills. #amwriting pic.twitter.com/rtgyIa4olU

— Writing & Editing (@WrtrStat) September 28, 2017

Lately though I’ve been feeling the need to write again. The whispers in the back of my mind while I go about my day. The familiar tones and voices of my characters as they’ve once again began asking me to tell their stories. The sensations are wonderful, my dreams are again colourful and coming to life, and I’m looking forward to some quality time with my keyboard. Or pen and paper. Or my phone’s voice memo app. (Like I said time is a crunch with 4 kids.)

So writing problems… What have yours been lately?   

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