A Poem by LD Ferris (aka - me!)

I wrote this poem several years ago, maybe six, but the force behind it and the emotions that it pulls from me are as prevelant now as they were when I put pen to paper and poured out my heart.  I wonder if you'll guess what the predominant emotion was?

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Only Moments Ago

You were here only moments ago,
I can still see your eyes in my mind.
You begged me to come and talk to you,
But I was too busy and I couldn't find the time.
You asked me to remember how things used to be,
And I told you that things had changed.
You swore that you'd always be here.
You promised that you would never leave.
You were here, only moments ago it seems,
I can still see your face if I try.
Now there's no time left to talk,
And things will never be the same.
You didn't keep your word, you broke your promise,
You made a change that can never be fixed.
You were here only moments ago,
I can hear your laugh in the wind,
You've left me standing where I shouldn't be
You went away and now there's only me.
In my mind you will always look as you did, when
You were here only moments ago.

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Can you guess? 

I wrote this particular poem when I was going through a difficult period of mourning.  At the time I was writing it my loss wasn't recent, in fact it was nearly 4 years old but regardless of time, my pain was still with me and still very much a real thing.  I can still remember every stab of loss, every feeling of guilt, every rending tear in my heart.  

Years later that pain is not as bad.  There are still certain days of the year that I dread facing, certain moments of days when I catch myself in memories (good or bad) and have to force myself to think of something else.  The loss was still so strong, so deep that I had to release the pressure somehow, and this poem was the result. There were others that I worked on at the same time but this piece was the only one that I felt truly represented what I felt when the loss occured and all the pain that followed me for years after.

I hope you like it.  Only Moments Ago is something that I've always had great pride in, I've always been happy with what it portrayed.  And I hope that if you're in need of some outlet you can read this entry and know that you're not alone in how you feel, and that all you have to do is reach out and someone will listen.

So I Did It!

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I have officially finished my first day back at University.  I've decided on History, Psychology and Religious Studies classes - one of each - and after today, I am actually feeling really well about how things will work out on that end.  [Apparently I'm still enjoying my optimistic mood from the weekend.]  AND I think that parts of each of these classes will be helpful with my writing, for research or just general information.


So a win-win situation all around, I hope?

A Little Bit From the Past

Like I mentioned the other day I've been going through some of my old writing and doing edits, reading old blog posts (on any of my blogs) and even looking through some of my old entries in my diaries.  Generally being nostalgic, I guess, but in the course of all this reminiscing I did run across a few very interesting things. 

The following was posted on my first blog [Ups, Downs, Ins and Outs], on April 10-2007, and I thought that this page might be a good place to "recycle" it for everyone to see.

I've always loved reading, ever since I was a little kid. I remember reading Dr. Seuss and Disney stories and being fascinated. From there it wasn't a huge stretch before I found that I truly enjoyed writing, and that I wasn't bad at it.

In Junior High and High School my teachers always told me that I was a great writer. In my Grade 12 English class, my teacher even told me that of all the students he'd ever had, he enjoyed reading my work the best; that I could make any topic interesting, no matter how dry the subject. In University the praise continued. In Biology, Chemistry, Psychology and most any other subject I took, and I was a BioChemistry major, I would receive comments and encouragement that I was an excellent writer and had the ability to wrap my reader up in the topic so that he or she would almost forget that it was really a term paper or scientific research report.

When I started thinking seriously about what I was going to do with my life and my degree, I panicked. I didn't want to spend the rest of my days in a laboratory. I didn't want to go on to medical school (although that had been my original intention) or to graduate school. And while I knew what I didn't want to do, I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I decided to take some time off, figure it out, work somewhere and pay back some of the debt I'd acquired. While I was thinking about the rest of my life, I fell back on one of my old habits and some of the things I'd do to relieve stress and relax.


I started reading. Lots. Romance, fantasy, paranormals.... After reading dry texts for years I relished in the enjoyment of free reading and it didn't take too long before I was writing again. No more reports, no more boring research. I wrote what I loved. Romance, fantasy, paranormals. Short stories, poetry, a short play. I've even been working on a novel.


I always took for granted, or shrugged off the importance of the encouragement and support I got for my writing when I was younger. I never ever considered that I could possibly write for a living. It didn't occur to me that I could be that good. In truth, I don't know if I am that good but I'll never know unless I try and I believe that I've got a chance. So I'm trying.


I read everything I can get my hands on. I try to write for a few hours everyday. I have my sister-in-law and my own sister read everything that I write. If they think something is good, I have one of my old professors at the University read and edit my pieces. (That professor has actually used a couple of my stories and poems in his classes for creative writing!) I've been trying to send my writing to different agents and publishers, in hopes that someday someone will actually pick up my stuff and say "Damn, this is good. Let's print and sell it!" It may be a pipe dream, but for now it's my dream.


If I ever do make it, if something I write is published and sold in bookstores and online, I will be so unbelievably happy I won't know what to do with myself. I've thought about who I owe for making me want to be a writer and while I will never forget my teachers and friends and family for their support, those aren't the people that I'm most grateful to. The authors and the stories that I read now are the people and things that finally pushed me into my choice. They made me start to dream again and without that I'd never have started writing those dreams down, or listening to the voices in my head.


And if I never accomplish getting something printed and bound, well, no one will ever be able to say it's not because I didn't try.

Looking back is always fun to do once in a while.  Having been strictly a stay at home mom for the past several years there has been a lot of time for thinking about things, for writing, for reading... for everything.  I found a number of things in my digging this last week to be impressed by - like the writing that I edited and commented on earlier this week - and I have to admit that finding this old blog post and seeing that while I haven't managed to get something published yet, I have made progress towards my goal.  It's nice to see, even for me. 

Well that's my bit of "would you look at that!" for today.  I think now it's time for me to go look at someone elses...

This Week

So I'm all set for going back to University next week.  This week my eldest started back at school, and we've already settled into something of a schedule for that.  We're still going to have to manuever things a bit to make everything work, but I'm determined to do just that - make it work!  It'll take a few weeks, maybe even a month, before I know for sure whether we're going to be able to handle it, so I'll have to keep you posted on that front.

As for my writing... Well, this week has been a bit hectic, as you can imagine, but I have actually found some time this week for doing edits.  I read through some stuff that I wrote nearly 9 months ago and I can't tell you how happy I am to read it.  I think it's good - the plot, the characters, the style - but I know it can get better and maybe it's just that I'm in a really optimistic mood this week but right now, this moment, I have no doubts that I will be able to make my writing great.  I have no doubts that some day, within the next couple of years, I will see my name on the front cover of a book.  I have no doubts that I will make it.  I really don't.

So yeah, I didn't write at all this week, not yet anyways, but I'm happy with what I did do.